Call your Congressman!

We need a new law. If it is 7:20 AM on a monday and someone knowingly steps in front of your car and just stands there- especially if you can't move to go around- you should be leagally allowed to run them over. That is how my day started (at least with out the satisfiying "run him over" bit). Parked car on one side of me, stopped van on the other side with 5-6 construction workers around it, and just enough room inbetween for me to drive through. At least the one guy who was originally in the way looked at me and moved to the side. But before I could go another moved in front of me and stood there to talk to his buddy. It isn't like he didn't see me- he had to walk half of the length of my car before stepping sideways in front of it. I guess he figured I wan't in a hurry or had anyplace I had to be. Just out for an early morning drive, I guess. Why else would I be up?

Maybe I have multiple personalities?

Lately I have been spam- stalked by emails claiming to be from the New York Dept of motor vehicles. These are supposedly informing me of a ticket due to a recent traffic violation and instructing me to "download and print out my plea." Okay, so I know this kind of thing is neither original or new. And at least I did at one time live in the state of New York. There are two things that make me wonder, though. One: I know these things are probably generated and sent out by automated program. But, although I did once live in NY, I did not create this email account until after moving out of the state. So someone or some thing had to do a bit of work to find my new address even though I haven't been a resident for over six years and 2 subsequent states. Which leads me to ponderable two: it is pretty insulting just how stupid they think I must be. Unless I totally blacked out for two weeks and have mentally constructed a new reality- and my imagination is not that good- I'm fairly certain I have not driven all the way from TX to NY where I allegedly got a speeding ticket. But the more obvious thing is it isn't even being sent to me. It is headed with "the person described above." Ok I am in the midst of the list of 20 or so addresses but the main address is not even mine. So, on one hand there is all that effort of searching some database and finding me but then no effort to hide the other 19 people who appearantly also got tickets? Wow that must have been one busy street! And we all know how official agencies like to publicize info like that. It is a good thing I'm smart enough to notice things like this. I couldn't afford to pay off a ticket right now anyway.... well at least not until that check from Nigeria comes in.

The reason I work with animals

*I was told I should add this so here it is: yes, sadly, these are all things actually said by visitors.*

People are special. I don't mean in an "I love you, you love me" way. I mean special. As anyone who looks at my profile will know- I'm a zookeeper. I work in an exhibit called Africa. You can't miss it. It is litterally all up in your grill as soon as you walk into our zoo. Big 'ol sign- in two languages no less- that says it is Africa with an actual satelite view photo of the continent. So we have established: Africa. Big hot triangular continent. Right.

Allow me to take you on a partial virtual tour. When you first walk in you have our cat exhibit with one lion and three tigers:

What? You say that is one male lion with three lionesses? Not tigers? I mean they don't have manes..... hold on........

 

Sorry I just don't see any difference. Anyway, lets move on. Next you get to see our chickens:

and our majestic møøse:

and on to our prarie dogs:

No wait, those are gophers... chiwawas........ ring tailed lemurs........... kalamari......  Well, one of those anyway. Huh? Meerkats you say? Naw, can't be. Meerkats are much bigger and are purple with horns and poop jelly beans. Well at least one thing is for certain, they are cuter than rats.

Onward! Our final stop on our journey is to our hedgehogs:

What? You can't see them? They are right there next to our rabbit, Harvey. Perhaps you can't see them because they DON'T EXSIST! Not that a total lack of signage and the fact that we have never had, nor any mention was ever made to have hedgehogs could have given any kind of clue.

Well that brings us to an end. We do have a few other animals in the area but know one has told me what they are yet. I'll keep you posted.
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Special Møøse Effects       OLAF PROT
Møøse Costumes              SIGGI CHURCHILL
Møøse Choreographed by      HORST PROT III
Møøses' noses wiped by      BJORN IRKESTOM-SLATER WALKER
Suggestive poses for the
  Møøse suggested by          VIC ROTTER