(very) Post wedding refiefs!

I was never much of a girly girl. I have to say I never dreamed of my wedding day or "married" my dolls. (Although I used to have audio evidence that my brother did....... hmmmmmm.......) Anyway, that being said I think if you are a girl you have at least some level of wedding likey-ness in you. For me it is voyeuristic. My particular guilty pleasures are Say Yes to the Dress (Atlanta, mainly) and Bridezillas. How can you not love watching people dress up in gorgeous gowns and crazy mixed up psycho drama? Plus, I have netflix so I just get to watch them marathon style. One lets me reminisce and the other lets me turn to Chuck and say "see how lucky you were?" (hey! I meant that respectively!) But they also make me say "wow, look how lucky I was!" Part of it was because of me- I'm pretty low key and I'm sure that made planning a bit easier. I think if you don't over plan as a 7 year old it is easier to achieve expectations. But I am super overwhelmingly grateful to my parents. Not just for paying (although I very much am!) but for all the support and allowing me to be me. Can't say money was no object but I don't think I ever heard the word no. Maybe a "we'll see what we can do" but not no. I said I didn't want "standard" and they did awesomely at providing that for me. (So good, in fact that our wedding still remains the gold standard amongst some of the attendees.) But back to the shows... I have to say I am truly grateful when it came to getting my dress. First, let me say, I was smart enough to just bring my mom shopping. Well, I would have liked my grandma and mother- in- law there but they didn't live close enough. I have seen too many episodes of Say Yes where people bring up to 13 (I know!) people with them. But I'm still thankful that my mom would have smacked me if I had tried such foolishness. Of course my mom had some opinions on what was appropriate. Luckily for me they were pretty much on the same page as what I wanted anyway. In the end I know it was just about making me happy. And when my father and grandmother saw the dress I choose they were nothing but supportive and complimentary. Nothing brings that into focus more than an episode where the mom says she is just picking out the dress she would've have wanted to wear and then actually trying it on at her daughters appointment! I wedding is not the time to live vicariously! (thank you mommy!)

Who are you again?

Lookie! I am writing! This hasn't been so much of a rambling journey as a person passed out in the corner with occasional moments of lucidity. Anyway, I am going to try to do this more this year, for better or ill. I won't call it a resolution 'cause I don't stick what i promise to do an hour into the future much less make a "resolution" for a whole year. But I'll try.

Today starts 2013. Last year wasn't a bad year.... Can't say too much specifically against it. But honestly can't remember too much good, either. I'm sure there were lots of great times- just none come to mind. The most notable things were I got a cool new fancy camera- that I have yet to really learn to use properly- and the loss of my two best friends to better places. Whoa! That makes it sound like they died! No, just moved away. One to be with her boyfriend in the greenery of the North ("lots of planets have a north!") And the one who would have gotten that reference to a cooler job in Dallas. Hey guys! As you are probably the only two people who may ever look at this I am going to think of it now as a way of staying in touch, even if you can't really write back. =)

I don't really know what has happened over the last year and a half. I went from being a part of a group who generally got along and had fun to being pretty much alone. Doesn't help that I am in the weird place at work of having a position of authority and yet no power, say, or respect at the same time. I will say that bums me out. I really wish I could follow my friends example and start over. Well, I guess I could but I really don't want to give up on the career.... so that limits my options. Really I just want some place to give me the chance. Okay. I'm depressing myself now. Change of subject, shall we? 

I don't know if it is the change of the year or just the meds kicking in but I feel like reinventing myself a bit this year. I am actually going to go do stuff. I want to take a class to learn how to use my fancy new camera. I have always been told I have a pretty good eye for pictures. Perhaps someday I could even sell a few. While I'd never outright quit zookeeping, I'd love to just trek and take nature and wildlife photography. Other than I also need to pay the bills, I am standing in my own way on that a bit. I see a lot of people at the zoo with cameras like mine and I just can't see what would make my pictures any better than theirs- other than the fact I can get the lions to turn their heads and look at me =P Perhaps if I learn more I'll get more confident about the pictures I do take. And maybe someday I'll do a camping/ photographic trek across Utah. I totally fell in love with the look of the state when moving my aforementioned friend to the aforementioned "North". I could easily spend a month wandering the highway and taking pictures. I'm going to start doing some yoga again, too. I would assuredly benefit from the exercise and the gym is my personal nemesis....... GYM!!!!!!! (shaking fist) I have found a place near home that offers classes. AND it is right next to a Kung Fu place. I have to find out the cost yet, but that is another thing I've always wanted to learn. Maybe I can finally learn some personal discipline too.

I have to go wipe away the tears of hysterical laughter now.... Happy New Year to all and good luck to me!